As a lawyer and staunch advocate for speaking up on what matters, I have long had a deep curiosity for all things communication and connection. My company is named THE HUMAN CONVERSATION based on the idea that a robust, curious, and honest conversation can be profoundly impactful in building bridges and surfacing better solutions.
1. Communicate on what matters:
Dr Martin Luther King Jr said, ”Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” What do you stand for? What are your values that you are willing to fight for? Maybe it is for what affects you, or maybe it is to fight on behalf of someone or something else. Malala Yousafzai spoke beautifully when she said, “I raise up my voice — not so that I can shout, but so that those without a voice can be heard.” What matters is that you have identified your core values and you have clarity on what you are willing to speak up for.
Once we know we are ready to speak up, the next thing to consider is how we are speaking up for what matters. From the Buddhist tradition to bible stories to the legend of Socrates's three gates test, the idea is that it makes sense to ask yourself before speaking: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? In our recent podcast conversation, Prof Nandkishore recommends we use this three part test to ensure we center groundedness and compassion in our communication.
2. Communicate with impact:
In his bestselling book, “The Four Agreements”, author Don Miguel Ruiz talks about the utmost importance of being impeccable with your word. The idea is to recognize how powerfully our language and our words shape us and the impact we create with them. “When you’re impeccable with your word, you never betray yourself. You never use the word to gossip about yourself or to spread emotional poison by gossiping about other people.”
As a lawyer and an executive coach, one practice I try hard to focus on is distinguishing between fact and opinion. A fact is objective and can be tested by experimentation, observation, or research and proved true or untrue. An opinion or inference is a feeling, attitude, belief, or value judgment based on fact. It is a powerful ability to parse between the two and communicate based on facts.
3. Communicate with connect:
Perhaps the need of the times is the intentionality or clarity of purpose when we communicate. It is so much more powerful for our communication to be dialogic rather than didactic. The didactic method is speaker-centered and relies on the communicator transmitting knowledge to passive consumers of the communication. There is a place for this in learning, but more than ever before, we would all benefit from the dialogic method, which is collective and supportive.
Dialogic discourse is cumulative and reciprocal, we pose open-ended questions to stimulate new thinking. A dialogue or a conversation promotes critical thinking by fostering the ability to analyze and evaluate information. It necessitates an open-minded, truth-seeking approach in which everyone in the conversation feels free to express ideas and opinions and employ active listening skills to consider alternative viewpoints. In an age where it is absurdly easy to find what separates us and creates us vs them narratives, communicating to connect is the most important practice of all.
One of my most favorite examples of communicating to connect is demonstrated by the artist Marina Abramovic in her Moma exhibit, “The Artist is Present”. In her own words, she describes the experience as follows, ”I have the empty chair, so everybody from the audience can come on his free time and sit in the front of me, and engage in this kind of silence, experience of the here and now, the present moment…Just sit motionless, and see what happen if we connect with our eyes.”
Unbeknownst to her, Ulay (fellow performance artist and former partner) decided to show up to participate in the exhibit. While Marina was doing her grounding ritual in between visitors, with her eyes closed for a moment, Ulay walked in and sat at her desk. When she opens her eyes, Marina is surprised and moved. As is Ulay. Most of their one-minute interaction is silent and yet profoundly riveting. Their electric connection is felt by everyone in the vicinity. Such is the power of connection. The communication here is entirely silent. Consider what becomes possible when we truly commit to being present in the moment and communicating in order to connect.
REFERENCES & LINKS:
1) The Human Conversation podcast on Leadership & Ethics with host Kaumudi Goda and guest Prof. Nandu Nandkishore
2) "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz
3) "The Artist is Present", Marina Abramovic & MOMA
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